It was one of those regular days, the kind where you’re just running an errand, expecting nothing out of the ordinary. I was strolling downtown to grab a coffee when I saw him—Leroy Jethro Gibbs from NCIS. He was standing at the corner, looking deep in thought, like something heavy was on his mind. I almost did a double-take but stopped myself. In my line of work, you meet all sorts of people.
Gibbs caught my eye. Before I could say anything, he walked over, his familiar stern expression locking onto me. "Bruce," he said in that gruff tone, "I’ve been meaning to talk to you." Now, when someone like Gibbs says that, you pause. "Sure thing, Gibbs. What’s on your mind?" I asked, half-wondering if this was about covert ops or if he just needed a break from catching bad guys.
His voice softened. "I’ve been working on some tough cases recently, and they’ve been getting in my head. Negative thoughts, doubts… It’s not like me, but it’s dragging me down. I know you wrote that book, 53 Mindset Rules of a Mental Health Warrior, and it’s packed with strategies to keep troubles at bay or get out of them. Lately, I could use some help keeping those negative thoughts from spiraling."
The Solution - Mindset Rule 6
Hearing Gibbs talk about negative thoughts reminded me of my own battles. I knew exactly where he was coming from. "You’re in the right place, Gibbs," I said, smiling. "For 20 years, I struggled with Bipolar, Alcoholism, Anxiety Disorders, PTSD, and a host of everyday life challenges. They piled on the negative mindset until I felt so powerless I tried to end my life. But with a second chance and the lessons I learned, I created the Mental Health Warrior Program—a new SELF-HELP approach that helps people take charge of their emotions, triumph over challenges, and build the life they really want.
"A big part of the program is making mindset changes, which is why I wrote 53 Mindset Rules of a Mental Health Warrior. These rules are designed to arm us for the battles life throws our way. And one rule from the book that’s been a game-changer for me is Mindset Rule 6: ‘Forgive Yourself for Not Knowing the Things You Know Now.’"
Gibbs nodded, his piercing blue eyes locked on me. "I like the sound of that. Tell me more."
I smiled, happy to share. "It’s a simple but powerful rule. It’s about letting go of the guilt, shame, and self-criticism that come from past mistakes or failures. Too often, we beat ourselves up for not handling something better, forgetting that we didn’t have the knowledge, experience, or tools we have now. Forgiving yourself means recognizing that growth is a journey, not a one-time event."
Gibbs’s expression softened. "That’s a tough one, but it makes sense. How do you actually put it into practice?" I replied, "Let me give you three examples of how I use it to stop negative thinking in its tracks."
Example 1: Don’t Let Past Missteps Downplay Today’s Success
"The first thing this rule does for me is remind me not to downplay my successes today because of the missteps of the past," I said. "It’s easy to let last week’s screw-ups mess with how we feel about what we accomplish today. But this rule helps me see my wins for what they are, without letting my past mistakes steal their thunder."
Gibbs Takeaway:
Gibbs rubbed his chin, thinking it over. "I get that. Just last week, we lost a lead on a case, and it’s been bugging me. Yesterday, we cracked the case, but all I could think about was that missed opportunity. I was beating myself up over something that doesn’t matter now. But you’re right—focusing on yesterday’s misstep was ruining today’s win."
"Exactly," I said. "Celebrate today’s win. The past is just that—the past."
Example 2: Turn Missteps into Lessons for Today’s Wins
"Second," I continued, "this rule reminds me that today’s wins are the results of what I learned from my past missteps. Today, I’m taking in those wins as proof that I’m living differently as a Mental Health Warrior. I’m in charge now, not my challenges."
Gibbs Takeaway:
Gibbs crossed his arms and gave me a nod. "I see. So, instead of beating myself up over what went wrong, I could look at how it made me sharper today. There’s always something to learn, even from mistakes. Like that time, we walked into an ambush. I was mad at myself for not seeing it coming, but afterward, we changed how we approached those situations, and it’s saved us more than once."
"That’s exactly it," I said. "Use those lessons to your advantage. Every challenge teaches us something we need for the next one."
Example 3: Focus on Taking Action Today
"And lastly," I said, "this rule helps me focus on today. Depression usually sneaks in when I stop focusing on what I can do right now and start dwelling on the past. This rule is my reminder to stay in the present and use today to take action. If I’ve slacked off on my Mental Health Warrior tools, this is the wake-up call to get back on track."
Gibbs Takeaway:
Gibbs grinned for the first time in our conversation. "That’s good. I’ve noticed when I start letting the past get to me, I stop being as sharp. But if I keep my focus on what I can control today, I stay in the game."
"You got it," I said. "When we’re focused on today, we’re in control. Depression can’t take over if we’re actively working to be our best right now. It’s all about interrupting that negative thinking and getting back into action."
Time to Jump Back into Life
Gibbs looked at me with that no-nonsense expression of his—the kind that says he’s really listening. "You’ve given me something solid to work with," he said. "I’ll have to get myself a copy of your book, 53 Mindset Rules of a Mental Health Warrior. I’ve been letting my mind spin, but if I can remind myself of this rule—especially when doubts creep in—it’ll stop me from going down that rabbit hole. I can forgive myself for what I didn’t know and focus on what I can do now. That’s real power."
We both stood, knowing it was time to get back to our respective battles. "Looks like it’s time to get back to it," I said, giving him a nod. Gibbs smirked slightly. "You’re right. Let’s grab that coffee later this week. It’s good to talk with a fellow Mental Health Warrior. It reminds me that we’ve all got our battles—and we can win them!
As he turned to leave, Gibbs added with a wry smile, "Oh, and Bruce, next time you see me struggling with negative thinking—just smack me upside the head." I laughed, wondering if I’d ever have the nerve to follow through on that.
Instead, I promised, "I’ll remind you of the power of Mindset Rule 6: Forgive Yourself for Not Knowing the Things You Know Now. That’s how we move past negative thinking and celebrate today’s victories."
Bruce Schutter
Creator of Mental Health Warrior Program and Challenge Coin
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